A reminder to all of you who still need a vacation from the kids/wife/husband/dominatrix.  The Cincinnati Rollergirls will be skating in Pittsburgh this Saturday against the Steel City Derby Demons.  The game starts at 5:30 (early!) and is only a 5-ish hour drive from Cincinnati.  You can leave at 11 and be there in plenty of time!  I plan on leaving early Saturday, hopefully I'll see some familiar faces in the audience.

Going nerdy for a moment, I think I've found my new anthem, Nrrrd Grrrl by MC Chris.

The post Kitsch of the Day - Roller Derby, by Ben Widdicombe, just shows how little people know about modern roller derby. The blockquoted material is the article, everything else is my own commentary.

While designers toy with retro motifs that playfully conjure female empowerment - like pointy, metallic shoulder pads that Linda Evans might have worn had she been in Kiss - off the catwalk, some sisters are doing it for themselves.

Jesus, if you halt the resurgence of shoulder pads, especially pointy, metallic ones, I promise that I will go to church. Look, I'm not even crossing my fingers!

Women's roller derby is enjoying a revival recently noted by outlets including the L.A. Times, New York Times, and CNN. With their sharp elbows

Nope, elbows are illegal.

and lacy bras, athletes with nommes-de-guerre like Paris Kilton and Sandra Day O'Clobber are competing in a revitalized Women's Flat Track Derby Association that lists almost 80 teams nationwide. But all the mainstream media coverage seems to ignore one glaring point about the sport.

That is: Roller derby is a lesbian art form. Seriously. Describing the history of roller derby and leaving out lesbians is like writing a guide to Little Italy and not mentioning Italians.

Wait... How did we make that jump in logic?

A corrective can be found in the short documentary "High Heels on Wheels," a ten-minute film that aired on the Logo network and can be viewed on its Web site. The women interviewed, who competed in roller derby between the '40s and '80s, leave no doubt as to what was going on during those high-speed collisions. "Let's put it this way, my team except for one lady was gay," says one old duck, who looks about 75, sitting on her porch. "It was a freedom that I hadn't experienced before," says another veteran. "It was thrilling to be in an atmosphere where other people were out of the closet."

Let's see... The Logo network says that "the LGBT world has a place all its own with Logo, the new lesbian & gay network from MTV Networks". Is it really all that surprising that their documentary would be looking at the sport from that angle? I won't deny that lesbians were prevalent in the sport fifty years ago. I won't deny that they are prevalent in the sport today. But we are an extremely diverse group. There is no such thing as the "typical rollergirl", we're all so different.

Things have changed a lot in fifty years. The game has changed. Society has changed. I'm proud to be a part of an organization where everybody feels perfectly free to be themselves: gay, straight, or whatever. But to call rollerderby a "lesbian art form" is insulting to the many, many straight and bisexual women who have contributed greatly to the sport.

It's not a "lesbian art form". I don't even want to call it a "female art form" because there are men's leagues popping up all over the country, and they are just as valid as the women's leagues. I want to call it a "sport". One simple little word that seems to ruffle the feathers of every person who is ignorant about roller derby. Anybody who as witnessed the pure athleticism of a bout can't argue that roller derby is indeed a sport, but many people, drawing on stereotypes of the past, never having seen a modern bout, will argue that we don't deserve to be called athletes.

Drawing upon stereotypes instead of personal experience is called ignorance.

The article ends like this:

The rough-and-tumble of roller derby seems a long way from the 80s cocktail hour evoked by the kitschy glamour of the runway. But anyone who remembers the glory days of Linda Evans and Joan Collins will know that they did their best work dressed for a party.

After that is a lovely YouTube montage of Dynasty catfights (you can go to the original article for that. I'm not posting it here). Why? I'm so confused by this article. They're trying to compare the 1950s and 1970s to now? And somehow we're not as *fabulous* as Joan Collins?

Once again, ignorance. I would really like to invite Mr. Widdicombe to go to a local roller derby bout. If he lives in New York he should go see the national champions, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby on July 11th. I have faith that they will change his mind.

Here are the dates and locations:

Monday, June 15th at Mason (9554 S. Mason Montgomery Road)
Tuesday, June 16th at Western Hills (2041 Anderson Ferry Road)
Wednesday, June 17th at Ft. Mitchell (2220 Grandview Drive)
Thursday, June 18th at Anderson (7715 Five Mile Road)
Friday, June 19th at Hoxworth Central (3130 Highland Avenue)

Also, if you donate blood at any Hoxworth Blood Center at any time within the week, you will be automatically entered to win a family season pass (4 passes) to Kings Island. It's a win-win... win-win-win!

Also, if you feel like headin' out to the bar on Wednesday for some hump-day partying, why don't you go to Northside Tavern and listen to the Rollergirl Monologues? Sk8 Crime, The Librarian, and GlamourAzz will be there, telling tales of ye olde roller derbye. <--- heh.  Then, a local improv troop will act out their stories. It's worth going just to see how these poor improv actors will react!

And... the pièce de résistance... the long-awaited bout between Colombus' Ohio Roller Girls and the Cincinnati Rollergirls. Never before have these two teams met *at the Cincinnati Gardens*, and this promises to be a nail-bitingly good time. Both OHRG teams won yesterday (Saturday) at the Naptown Roller Girls, can they win two in a row?

I think not.

The event is another double-header featuring both Cincinnati and Ohio’s A and B (varsity and junior varsity) teams. At 7 p.m., Cincinnati’s B team, the Silent Lambs, will take on Ohio’s Gang Green. In the main event immediately following, Cincinnati’s Black Sheep – currently ranked 4th in the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association’s North Central Region with a 4-1 record this season – will battle Ohio’s all-stars, who are currently ranked 13th in the region with a 3-2 record.

During this bout of the London Rollergirls vs. Birmingham, some guy just runs onto the track completely nekkid! It's about halfway through the video, and the editing makes it that much more hilarious! I think it's true what the commenters said, when you have a streaker, you know you have arrived. Anyone wanna streak at the June 20th bout? (Just kidding. I'm pretty sure Professor Murder does not want to chase down a streaker. And if you interrupt a jam in progress... we will kick your ass ourselves. And we will catch you. )

This is an educational video using rollergirls and refs to illustrate the principles of electric current. Seriously, I learned something! (Ok, not really. Mainly because my dad is an electrician. ) It's really cute. There are a lot of d-bags on the comments for this one, mainly because it's roller derby and educational, but I think it's Awesome with a capital A.

In this video Gotham's Beyonslay takes Texas' Rice Rocket completely off her feet! No other info needed!

This one comes from way back in 2007. This one is a "sherrif" (a type of backwards shoulder block) gone horribly wrong. At about :48, the girl getting blocked kicks the blocker in her "lady regions". Whoops!

That's all I got for now. Enjoy!

I love Final Fantasy, and there are two new FF titles coming out in the next couple of years (XIII and XIV)! I still have to finish XII!

Guild Wars, my favorite MMORPG, has been seriously neglected since the beginning of April. I'm pretty sure the last time I logged on was on April Fool's Day, when everyone was turned into chibi Gwen. (So cute!)

This is what I'm missing!!!

The Sims 3 just came out this week, and I'm dying to buy it. However, I'm terrified that if I do get it I'll skip practice for three weeks, lose my job, and this blog will go to crap. Think I'm overreacting? When the Sims 2 came out I lost 20 pounds. I didn't sleep or eat. I did manage to make it to class, but it was only a five minute walk.

I'm trying to fit time in for zombie/monster/sim killing, but it's hard. Here's my schedule for a typical weekday:

6:45am -- Wake up
7:45 am -- Leave for work
6 pm -- Get home from work
6:50 pm -- Leave for practice
10:00 pm -- Practice ends
11:00 pm -- Get home from practice
11:00 pm-1:00 am -- Catch up on internet (blog, Twitter, etc.)
1:00-ish am -- Go to bed

Days when I don't have practice are when I typically write blog posts and chat with my online friends. And any blogger can tell you that it takes much longer to write a decent post than you may think. I can easily spend two to three hours on a personal post (like this one). A post requiring research (like that massive Crackerjack post a few months back) can take days.

Six months ago I'd get home at six o'clock and spend the rest of the time playing games. I had far fewer friends, was barely on Facebook, and never Twittered. I was involved with local theatre, but that only lasts for a month or two, and then everyone moves on.

So I'm wondering... Am I growing up? Roller derby has many benefits that can't be provided by video games. And my blogging has the potential to provide me with lunch money. (My AdSense earnings so far... $.09 w00t!)

I'm conflicted. Gaming is a large part of my past, but I feel that it can't be in my future. Not if I'm going to move onward to bigger challenges in my life. Whenever I feel like logging on to GW, or turning on the PS2, I think, "No. I could be doing something creative or productive. This is a waste of time."

I'm also trying to get into law school. It's impossible to add studying for the LSAT to my crazy schedule if I'm stuck in Ascalon for hours at a time.

And I'm sad to say... killing a virtual zombie is nowhere near as satisfying as it used to be. Not when you've experienced the rush of annihilating your adversary (or your hero!) on the derby track.

So... is this a sign of maturity? I'm not sure I like it!

• You can identify everybody's skates, not only visually, but by smell.
• You can't remember the original color of your helmet, there are so many stickers.
• You get $10 haircuts, buy clothes at secondhand shops, and eat ramen noodles for every meal. Why? Because you spent $500 on skates, $180 on wheels and bearings, $100 on pads and helmets, and $200 in yearly dues.
• Your skates cost more than your laptop.
• You no longer respond to your given name.
• You're angry that Facebook won't allow you to go by your alias.
• You've started a petition for Facebook to allow aliases.
• Your non-derby friends simply ask, "So, what hurts today?"
• You've started buying Tylenol in bulk.
• You've started buying IcyHot in bulk.
• You own a brace and/or bandage for every body part.
• You've made voodoo dolls of opposing players.
• You believe that someone has made a voodoo doll of you.
• When you hear the word "panties", you think of the kind that goes on your helmet, not your butt.
• Your get-rich-quick scheme is making helmet panties and selling them on Etsy.
• You hear the word "zebra" and immediately think "ref".
• Your significant other has stopped thinking the term "derby widow(er)" is funny.
• You check Borders weekly for a new copy of Blood & Thunder.
• You own Rollergirls, Kansas City Bomber, and Rollerball (both versions) on DVD.
• You have your DVR set to screen for the term "roller derby" and record all related programs.
• You search YouTube for new bout videos every week.
• You're contemplating paying out the nose for HD cable just so you can watch bouts on MavTV.
• You can't understand why anyone would rather watch any other sport.
• You're beginning to actually *like* PBR.
• You've played the word "WFTDA" in Scrabble.
• You've secretly created derby names for all your non-derby friends.
• Your husband takes the kids to Disney World while you go to RollerCon.
• At work, you stockpile sick days for travel games.
• By the time you get home from practice, you're ready to turn around and go back.
• The mere mention of a sport court makes you shudder.
• You find the phrase "______ by day, rollergirl by night," highly offensive.
• You die a little inside when someone says, "Roller derby? It's back?"
• You've had a heated debate about ranking systems.
• Your ultimate goal is to play derby in the 2016 Olympics. (ha ha)
• The top bookmarks in your browser are: your league's homepage, your league's forum, DNN, FTS, Derbytron, and WFTDA.com.
• You make lists about roller derby while you're at work.
• You've started your own roller derby blog.

Please feel free to add your own comments. It's all in fun!

June 27-28 -- East Coast Extravaganza
http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/ece
The Sportsplex, Philadelphia, PA
The Black Sheep take on Chicago's Windy City Rollers on Saturday and the Atlanta Rollergirls on Sunday.

July 18 --  Cincinnati @ Hammer City Rollergirls 
http://www.hammercityrollergirls.ca/index.html
Dave Andreychuck Mountain Arena, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
The Silent Lambs take on the Hammer City Rollergirls in their first international bout.

August 08 -- Ohio State Fair
http://www.ohiostatefair.com/
Columbus, OH

August 22 -- Cincinnati @ Steel City Derby Demons
http://www.steelcityderbydemons.com/beta/index.htm
Pittsburgh, PA
The Silent Lambs and Black Sheep travel to Pittsburgh.

September 06 -- Cincinnati @ Arch Rival Rollergirls
http://www.archrivalrollergirls.com/
St. Louis, MO
The Black Sheep take on the ARRG All-Stars.

September 18-20 -- North Central Regional Tournament -- Brawl of America
http://www.brawlofamerica.com/
Roy Wilkins Auditorium, St. Paul, MN
The Black Sheep battle for a spot at the National tournament.

October 17-18 -- Cincinnati @ San Diego Derby Dolls
http://www.derbydolls.com/sd/
San Diego, CA
The Black Sheep take on SDDD on the flat AND banked track!

November 13th-15th -- WFTDA National Tournament -- Declaration of Derby
Philadelphia, PA
The Black Sheep battle for world domination!

This list is subject to change. We might just decide to play a bout every week. Ya never know! (Just kidding, that would be stupid.)

Check out my new calender toy in the sidebar over there! I plan on adding all of our bouts and public events to it, so you never have to wonder where your favorite girls are at!

(25) Grand Raggidy 29 @
(22) Cincinnati 147 

Silent Lambs vs. G-Rap Attack!

We began with this crazy energy; the locker room seemed to be completely alive with this... spirit, for lack of a better term. There was endless enthusiasm and a knowledge that we would win no matter what. We ran around, frantic, pulling on pads, lacing up skates, putting final touches on our makeup. We would filter out of the locker room at random intervals to warm up on the track, and then sneak back in to take a sip of water and readjust our skates. Candy KICKass requested Don't Stop Believin' for our final warm-up song, quite possibly the perfect song for a team coming back from two devastating losses. (If you remember, the Silent Lambs lost to the Windy City Nadabees and Burning River's Team Unicorn in the past two bouts.)

After being introduced to over a thousand of our closest friends, we were ready to take the track and show Grand Raggidy how far we've come from the near loss in February. The first jam started with a complete shutdown of GRRG's jammer and a 7 point lead by Polly Rocket. GRRG was unable to get any points on the board until the third jam, when Disarmin' Darlin lapped the pack for 4 points.

Don't mess with the Rocket!

GRRG wouldn't put any more points on the board until six jams later, when Keisha Mei Ash and Miss Print both put 3 points on the board in jam 9. During the first half, Jungle Lacy scored a 12 point jam, and Cherry Choke scored a 10 point double grand slam, while Polly Rocket, Miss Print, Maime Van Goren, and Bex Pistol took turns putting points on the board. At the half, the Silent Lambs were up 55-10.

At the beginning of the second half, Polly Rocket again set the pace with a 9 point jam, then followed it up with a huge 14-point 4-lap jam just minutes later. Visibly rattled, the next GRRG jammer, Disarmin' Darlin, actually put her helmet cover on inside out, effectively voiding her status as jammer. Although she technically lapped the pack one more time than Jungle Lacy, she earned no points for her efforts. Rattled even further, the next GRRG jammer, Tamara Hurtsworse, was kept inside the pack as Cherry Choke scored another double grand slam.

No stars!

And where was I? Waiting for my chance to get out there! I went out in the ninth jam as a blocker, took a hard body block in turn three, fell, and took out 2? 3? (it depends on who you ask) of the GRRG players. A penalty was not immediately called. Maybe I got away with it? Nope. They called the penalty and I had to sprint around the track to get to the penalty box. As I slid into the box (now that sounds dirty) I realized that I was probably going to slam into Backslider, who was waiting for her chance to leave the box. I did, and, a credit to her mad hockey skills, she didn't hardly flinch.

I sat, waiting, for the longest minute in my life. Finally, I was released from the box, skated another lap, and it was over. We had won, 103-26. I skated over to my teammates at the bench... and promptly fell flat on my ass in front of 1,300 people. Lovely. I think I might have made Mirderher laugh, though, so it was worth it.

Black Sheep vs. All-Stars

This bout did not start off as spectacularly as the first. GRRG's Jackie Daniels managed to score a point in the first jam, but it was their only lead during the entire bout. In jam three K-Lethal scored 9 points while Jackie stayed in the pack. K-Lethal and Dr. McDerby, in her Black Sheep debut, both scored double grand slams on Disarmin' Darlin, who was showing visible signs of fatigue and mental stress from skating in the first bout. Trauma was put in as jammer in jam thirteen, and scored 9 points over Jackie Daniels, who she knocked to the ground before entering the pack.

The most exciting jams were the last three of the first half. First, Hannah Barbaric scored 8 points against Jackie Daniels. Then, GRRG decided to play Dot Matrix in the last two jams back-to-back. Dr. McDerby went up against her first, and scored a massive 12 points. Then Sadistic Sadie went up against Dot. Not only did she score a 10 point double grand slam, she also spent a good deal taunting her rival, skating backwards to tease her, and slowing down just to dart in front of her and score five more points as our blockers kept Dot safely behind them. You could see it in her ponytails... Dot Matrix was beyond frustrated.

Hannah Barbaric jumps over a fallen skater.

The second half did not feature any double-digit scores, but was consistently defense-heavy, as was the theme of the night. The GRRG ladies were lucky to score a few points here and there, while Trauma scored another 7 points, K-Lethal scored a 9 point jam, and Dr. McDerby had two 9 point jams. The highlight of this half was Sk8r Kinney as jammer, a position she rarely plays. Dot Matrix, frustrated, is held up in the pack yet again as Kinney laps the pack with ease, maneuvers herself to the front, and deftly passes the star to Sadistic Sadie. A move usually reserved for desperate times, this was obviously an orchestrated move to prove that we have the ability to outskate and outwit our opponents. Sadie lapped the pack again for 4 more points, for a total of 9.

By the time everything was said and done, the Black Sheep won, 147-29. Here's a video of the last minute of the bout:

Wow, this was long. I'm not even going into the after-party. You just had to be there.

More pictures here and here.

From Scott Sloan's blog:

I think my favorite part is when this guy "Nolan" calls in, saying that his sister was an original Cincinnati Rollergirl who got cut from the team. He threatened to bust out his Riedells and Labeda Fan Jet wheels and beat them up. I had to laugh. The Labeda Fan Jets came standard on my skates and they are TERRIBLE! They're way too chunky (training wheels?) and are really slow and heavy. It would be funny seeing this guy keep up with Sadie on wheels like that.

Also, be sure to visit Scott Sloan's blog to see what he has to say about us!